Teacher Shift

How One Teacher Chases Self-Care

February 01, 2023 Dana Skillman Episode 44
Teacher Shift
How One Teacher Chases Self-Care
Show Notes Transcript

This week Ali and JoDee are talking with Dana Skillman. Dana has taught elementary for 9 years while chasing self care. Together, they’ll discuss how Dana is able to make time for self care while teaching, setting boundaries and not falling back into old habits, and her top tips for self care in the workplace!

Connect with Dana:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chasinselfcare/

Connect with Ali and JoDee:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teachershift
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/teachershift
Teacher Shift LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/teacher-shift
Ali’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alisimon/
JoDee’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jodeescissors/

Website
https://www.teachershiftpodcast.com/

Episode Transcriptions
https://www.teachershiftpodcast.com/blog

Ali  0:00  
All teachers are natural innovators, entertainers and problem solvers. They dream of growing old into the profession, teaching their kids kids. But sometimes career goals shift or change, and that makes opportunities outside of the classroom seem intangible questioning who am I, if I'm not a teacher? I'm your host, Alexandra Simon.

JoDee  0:30  
And I'm your co host, JoDee Scissors.

Ali  0:34  
This is The Great Teacher Resignation.

Today we are joined by Dana Skillman. For the last nine years, Dana has taught elementary students while trying to chase self care. Once she figured out some small tricks, she knew other teachers needed to hear what could help them. Now Dana has a business with her eight year old son to help teachers and caregivers feel great both in and out of the classroom. Welcome to the show today, Dana.

Dana  1:07  
Thank you, I'm so happy to be here.

Ali  1:09  
We are thrilled to have you and really get to know what's realistic in terms of making time for self care if you're an educator. So wanting to make sure that our conversation today is just framed in a real way. We know that teachers have limitations. That it's really hard to prioritize your own well being when you're in the classroom, because we give so much to our students and to our schools. So to start us off, realistically, how are you able to make time for self care? And what does that look like?

Dana  1:43  
So for me, what happens to make sure that I stay accountable is I put my students into it. I try and give them tips while we're in class. And then they come back at me and they're like, Ms. Skillman,  you got to do this, you got to do that. That's probably my main thing that I do in the classroom if I seem to get stressed out. To be like, okay, Ms. Skillman, let's breathe together. I also, you know, give them scales so that they can express their feelings as well, because I teach fourth grade. And at fourth grade, my son is eight and he's in third grade, they're still trying to figure out how to express what in the world is going on. You know, even teachers sometimes have a hard time expressing it. So I can't imagine these littles coming in and not knowing I'm frustrated, I'm anxious, I'm scared, I want to go home, I'm tired. And then we're feeling the same way. And it just can turn into no self care for anybody. And it doesn't work well for anybody.

Ali  2:52  
What it also sounds like to me is that you're teaching them mindfulness, like how to be aware of their bodies, and how to how to be able to connect like how they might be feeling with how they they might act, or you know their behavior in class. And giving themselves a little bit of grace. Like, if you can understand how they're feeling, then that can also help you better handle situations.

JoDee  3:13  
I love that you're doing that, too. Ali and I both have fourth graders. The last grade I taught was fourth grade. And I absolutely loved teaching fourth grade. I always thought second grade was the dream grade. And then I went to fourth grade. And I was like no fourth grade is the dream grade. But my experience in working with children of that age, and modeling those behaviors is that they do learn them. And they do hold you accountable for them. I remember my students doing that as well. And I know that my daughter at this age, she practices it with her teachers. And I can see her explaining her feelings and decompressing from something. And at a higher level than what I was doing at her age. The way that she is more in tune with her body and her thinking. And why is this happening? And how do I resolve it, is way beyond what I was ever taught as a child. That's something that I really like in this era that we're in right now. Or the way that kids are able to acknowledge and recognize how they're feeling and how to resolve some of those more intense feelings that they may not want to be experiencing. And so I like how you're kind of said that you're starting with your students, and then you kind of go from there.

Dana  4:30  
Yeah, well, I think it all comes back to this stigma to. lLike when we were growing up, because I think the three of us are all around the same age, you just didn't talk about it. Like I talked to my mom. My mom and I have a really, really close relationship. It's the same with my son. And I've said that to him since he was born. How are you feeling? Why do you think you're feeling that way? The same way with my students. I'm very honest with them if I'm having a bad day. You know, and I say this to new teachers all the time if you're having a bad day I am not the person that will tell you leave it out there, don't bring it into the classroom. Because that's just going to sometimes make you feel worse. Because then you're, you're bottling it up. And I explain it to my students by thinking of shaking a soda bottle, and eventually it's gonna pop. And so if I'm having a bad day, or if I'm feeling really intense feelings, I tell them that. And I'll say, like, keep me in check. I'll keep you guys in check. I will respect you. You will respect me. I'm really tired, or I've really grumpy. Or like, I need a minute. Just give me a minute. And I think that's really important just to have that open communication, with not even just your students, but even your team, your grade team or your co workers. I'm not saying give everybody all your business. But not everyone is in our minds. And everybody is going through their own things. So you could be looking like you're great, you're fine, but on the inside, you are falling apart. And that's okay. There's nothing wrong with that. But if someone treats you a certain way, you got to remember, they have no idea what's going on.

Ali  6:14  
That's one thing I've really had to learn. I didn't work with littles I was a high school teacher. And so a lot of my natural inclination is to like solve problems, right? So if someone says that they're having a bad day, I wanted to like, well, what's what's wrong? Like how can we fix it? Well, what I've learned with raising my own children, and going to play therapy, and doing different things like that, is that just being there and listening and saying, Wow, that's a really big feeling that you're having right now. Let's sit with that for a minute. Let's talk about that. Just honoring how the kids are feeling. And even how we're feeling as adults, is so important to like, be able to share that and feel like there's a safe person that you can talk to about that. Like, as a parent, I want my kids to hopefully feel like I'm that person. But as a teacher, sometimes you're that person for your students. And so it's really, really important. And it's such a great thing that you're offering to your students. 

JoDee  7:11  
Someone once told me that, you know, we go to bed with our thoughts. Like we're always in our mind. We're always thinking about ourselves. And so when we can speak to others, and understand ourselves, with the help of friendship, or someone that can guide us or a mentor. At least for me, that helps me go to bed a little bit more. Okay, with how I am and not..

Dana  7:38  
Not so alone. 

JoDee  7:39  
Yes, yes. And so when you when you go to bed, with your mind with your thoughts, you want them to be healthy, because you want to be able to rest peacefully, you want to be able to have a good night's rest to get you back up the next day. And you don't want to perpetuate those problems into your dreams or your nightmares or whatever it might be. And so something that's unique about us talking with you is that most of our guests already have transitioned outside of the classroom. Even though Ali and I try really hard. We want to have a balance of people that have transitioned, people that are still teaching, and people that hire teachers. And so as someone that is still in the classroom, how have you been able to improve your mental health, while still teaching?

Dana  8:28  
COVID changed my life. That's the first thing I think of in a good way. Before COVID I was that teacher that was there when the sun was coming up. And I stayed until the sun came down and I brought stuff home to grade and I actually graded it. It didn't just come back and forth. And it was my life. Like it was my end all be all. And then COVID happened. And I was home 24/7, quarantined with my six year old at the time. He was six. And you know, he was in school here. I was in school here. And it was something that really taught me boundaries. Because after him and I were in the same room for so long. We had to walk away together. And that really taught me that like, it's okay to shut the computer down and to go play. You know, go have fun with your kids. Go have a date night with your spouse like that's okay. COVID really taught me a lot. So to get back to your question, after COVID, once we went back in person, I just made sure I stuck with the same thing. I leave maybe a half an hour later, but I don't stay as late as I used to. I can't stress about the grades. I grade it when I come back. One thing that I think teachers have to remember is it's going to be there tomorrow. It's gonna be there tomorrow. And for me in my head it was, but I gotta get it done today. I gotta get it done now. The faster I get it done, I don't have to worry about it. But it's going to be there tomorrow. And that's okay. Because you're not going to get this time back for yourself or for your family or with your kids or, you know, so seeing him all day long, and being with him all day long. And making those boundaries really taught me that it was okay to step away. And I just kind of kept up with it. 

JoDee  10:28  
That's one of the key things we keep hearing about how to improve the health of teachers is setting boundaries. That perhaps that's where the mental health awareness and mental health practice comes in. Like the starting point is, Hey, first you got to set boundaries, and then set other goals. 

Dana  10:49  
But the thing is, Jody, is that people said that to me all along. And it's so easy for people to say it and for you to hear it. But if you're not ready for it, or if you don't want to do it, it's not going to happen. You know, like, it's just not. You're not going to give up working late. But I can work late. Okay. But it wasn't until I really stole it from myself that I did. 

Ali  11:13  
I think also another challenge. And this is something that I've been experiencing lately, even though I'm not a teacher is that you can set boundaries, but it's really easy to like fall back into old habits. And so one thing that we heard from another teacher in one of our earlier episodes, Maestra Allen La Loca, is that having an accountability partner can be really helpful or having like, I would also think your why. And it sounds like you found your why. Your why was that you saw that you had this opportunity to experience life with the boundaries. You know what that's like. You have a child. You wanted to spend time with your son. And so that's your why that you know what it can be like, without those other stressors? 

JoDee  11:57  
Yeah, I think it's also good advice for even after you transition. And Ali and I have talked about how, when I transitioned, I was still go, go go. Eat while walking down the hall. Even though like I had transitioned, and I had set these boundaries... Ali's right, like, I was falling back. And I still do. Like, I will fall back in to bad habits. Today, I was literally eating my lunch, standing up listening to our episode that I hadn't gotten a chance to. And I'm just like, doing all these things. And I was just like, why am I doing this? But like, this is such a habit I've built and it's not even necessary for me to be doing this. 

Ali  12:39  
And what you said earlier, Dana, is that it's still gonna be there tomorrow. I feel like with teaching, and honestly, even with the job that I'm doing now, there's always going to be more things to do. Like, generally, with teaching, you don't run out of tasks that you can complete. So your, your to do list, like while you cross off, like the things you wanted to do that day, like there's just another list. There's just another thing that comes up. That's one of the hardest parts, I think, for me was that with teaching, I didn't get to turn off my brain, because I was always thinking about the future. And so I think incorporating mindfulness or best practices in self care, can absolutely help with that. But it is just one of those jobs where you're right, like, it's gonna be there tomorrow. You're still going to have things to do. And so the boundary setting is really on the person, right? To say, these are my boundaries, and this is what I'm comfortable with. And this is where I feel the best is when I'm able to do these things. So for, in your case, like shutting down your computer and a certain point, that's great that you were able to do that.

Dana  13:42  
It was hard, though. I'm definitely not going to sit here. And for anyone listening to this, say, it's gonna be perfect tomorrow. Just set your boundaries, and it's going to be super easy. It's really hard. And I was at seven years at that point. Seven years of doing it for it's actually hit me. And on top of that it hit me physically too, because I actually got really, really sick. And, you know, it got to a point where they were like, you have to take care of yourself. So teachers do that. We do. We run ourselves ragged. And I could never see myself doing anything besides teaching. And this is the first year that I'm like, Hmm? Yeah, this is really draining.

JoDee  14:27  
Other than boundaries and having like moments where you can have a mindful moment, what other points of advice could you give other teachers, even just people in general, about self care in the workplace?

Dana  14:45  
Yeah, so finding those little things. I am one for like, scented pens. It sounds really silly, but like scented flare pens. I'll grade with them. And like just even those scents, you know, like they have lavender flares now. And just smells like that can really make a difference. It sounds silly. But it really, really does make a difference. Colors. The science of color is crazy. So if you have a room, your classroom, and it's decorated, very dark. You know, make it bright. Make it happy. Make it like your home. You know, you want to be there. Make it so that you want to be there. Make sure you eat lunch. That's another really big thing. Make sure you eat lunch, you know? And even if I'm eating with a student, I'm still eating lunch. We're keeping each other accountable. We're sitting down. The biggest thing is, when I'm on prep, instead of going around and socializing, I shut the door. Sometimes I turn the light off, because then they don't know if I'm in there or not. And I do what I got to do, whether it's listening to a podcast, or taking that time to grade. But I take at least five minutes during the prep and actually do something that I need to do for myself.

JoDee  16:09  
One of my regrets as a teacher was not sitting down and eating lunch with my teammates more often. I was always invited, you know, to the groups to eat. Most of the time was like usually in a teacher's classroom. But I, for the most part, always chose to go back to my room, to turn the lights off, to be by myself. And then about 15 minutes later, I was like, go go go. I gotta do all of these things. Especially after I had a child. I was like, I have to do all of this so I can get out of here. But I think that those relationships and that support, especially when I was going through those years of turmoil, I probably could have used a little bit more friendship and guidance. And I should have been expressing myself sooner than when I had been. If anybody out there is doing what I was doing, I I probably would have steered myself in a different direction had I had the mentorship or the guidance or the wisdom that you have right now to be able to help me during that really challenging time in my life.

Ali  17:18  
I also think everybody has different needs. And I remember you talking about that JoDee in a previous episode. But like you needed that time to like, decompress. And so I think you were honoring how you were feeling at that time. I think you're also extroverted, but I'm really outgoing, and I need to eat lunch with my teammates. Like I get fuel from being around other people. And so that would kind of energize me. But I was on your Instagram Dana, I've been following you, and you give a lot of self care guidance. And one of the things that I saw that you mentioned so I wanted to bring it up was listening to your favorite song. And that's something that really helps me a lot. Like if I need to get ready for a meeting and I'm like lagging and I have to like now in my job I have to like be presentable for a Zoom call. I'm like I put out my favorite song or my favorite song at the moment. Like helps gets me energized and when I was a teacher, I loved using music in my classroom and so maybe it's just like a song playing when the students walk in. But it's like getting me energized. Maybe it's getting them energized to.

Dana  18:19  
I'm so glad you brought that up. Music is definitely my go to. We sing everything in my classroom. We sing everything. We have songs for everything. I am looking around because my entire room is Backstreet Boys.

Ali  18:33  
So I was thinking about it like, what's your go to song?

Dana  18:38  
My go to Backstreet Boys song is Show Them What You're Made Of. It is such a good song. And it just really pushes you to like...like, the one quote is, you know, stand up for something even if you stand alone. And it's just like, Uhh, that's my go to Backstreet Boys song.

Ali  18:58  
Well, mine's a bit more about nostalgia and mine's Everybody.

JoDee  19:02  
My daughter and I listen to it a lot to also like she loves music. I love music. I think that music... I work a lot with arts institutions. And music is a big part of that. And music just makes me feel so alive.

Ali  19:19  
So I'll start off with my like, other song not Backstreet Boys song. I love Vivir Mi Vida by Marc Anthony. That song just like really gets me going. And my kids are in Spanish immersion so they also like love that song. That's my go to like, pick me up.

JoDee  19:36  
That's another song that my daughter and I sing. I'm gonna say the song that's on the radio now that really gets me pumped up. It's Vegas by Doja Cat. It's from the Elvis movie. And I just really love that song.

Dana  19:52  
I mean, right now I'm... I listen to everything, but I'm really into Kane Brown. And so I've been really into his song with his wife that he put out, Thank God. It's not like a party hype song, but it's like, it just gets me. I don't know, just gets me in all the feels.

JoDee  20:09  
That's all that matters.

Ali  20:11  
I think we have a very eclectic collection of songs that for our listeners to pick from. So that's awesome. So I think you really just got us energized. At the end of this interview. I'm like ready to add some new songs to my playlist. But I wanted to share with our listeners a way that they can connect with you. They can follow you on Instagram at chasin self care. And that's c h a s i n self care. So go check out her Instagram profile. You can see her tips for self care as well as her awesome Etsy items that she sells. I'm really excited to maybe buy some earrings for myself in the near future. So thank you again, Dana, for your time today.

Dana  20:54  
Thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate it.

Ali  21:04  
If you liked The Great Teacher Resignation, give us a five star rating and follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music and Audible. Today's episode was written and recorded by me Alexandra Simon, and my co host JoDee Scissors. Executive produced by Teacher Brain. Produced and edited by Emily Porter. Original Music: Emoji by Tubebackr. Special thanks to our sponsor, Paper Planes Ed.